“So what do you do?”

“Nnnothing…well…lots of volunteer work.”

Or if I’m prepared, I respond with an affected air, “Domestic Goddess.” That usually works.

I left my career nine years ago. I didn’t really want to, but the circumstances seemed beyond my control at the time.

I miss the car business. Not every single day, but quite often. I don’t miss the long hours and the family time sacrifices that I had to make. I do miss the structure, the camaraderie, the customers, the smell of the shop and just so many little things. I invested my college education, my 20s and part of my 30s into what I saw as a way of life forever.

I lead a charmed life. Truly. God has been so very faithful in His generosity to me. My amazing husband is a gift that I thank God for and has made my life better in so many ways, and I get to pursue interesting and creative passions.

So why do I still feel small when someone asks me about my job?

I’ve spent a lot of time wrestling with this. It’s the question that brought me my first friend when I moved to this area five years ago. She and I met at Willowdale Chapel women's Bible study and then spent an hour talking in the car afterwards about the transition from career to a stay-at-home mom. We still talk about it occasionally!

I tend to be an overthinker (shout out to all of you fellow overthinkers out there!!) and the conclusion I’ve come to is this:

Every day, I must die to myself.

“Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.” Galatians 5:24-26 NLT

 I must take all of my desires and passions and hurts that I so desperately want to hold onto and nail them to His cross. I especially need to take my constant searching for what work God is sending me as a replacement for my career and crucify that as well.

I’m not the best decider on my career path; God is. He absolutely has prepared work for me to do.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10 NIV

How do I find this work? I find it by going back to the Galatians passage.

“...Let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives… “

What can help me be mission ready when I do get the Spirit’s leading?

“Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.”

Gut punch. Yeah, I’ve been known to be conceited and jealous and surely have done my share of provoking. Feeling small in the presence of others is shame and our enemy likes to use that to keep us from Kingdom work. Feeling small in the presence of God can heal. When our perspective shifts to the truth about God, He gets bigger and our problems, though still real and present, seem smaller.

This resonated with me a few weeks ago when I was in Muir Woods, California. There are coastal redwoods there, not as big as the Giant Sequoia, but still quite large. I was fast-walking the trails to be able to see as much as possible on my tour stop; snapping pictures while focusing on the scents, sounds and different environment. I was able to complete the circuit I intended to and was on my way back to the bus when I came across the Pinchot tree. I had no idea about the relationship between John Muir and Gifford Pinchot, but I realized right away that it was named for the former governor of Pennsylvania and founder of the U.S. Forest Service.

As the son of a wealthy Pennsylvania family with business ties to New York City, Pinchot was class deacon at Yale. His Presbyterian upbringing and his studies prepared him for a job with the Young Men’s Christian Association. Instead, because of his passion for the outdoors, he spent his life working for what he coined as “conservation of natural resources.” His understanding of our role as stewards of God’s created world made a big impact on our nation.

I felt very small next to that tree. Not shamefully small but a “fully understanding my place in God’s world” small. 

My work won’t get me a redwood memorial in California, but I know it will get me an “Atta girl” when I stand in awe before my Maker.

“Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,

Thou mine inheritance, now and always:

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art.”

From the hymn Be Thou My Vision

ABOUT OUR BLOGGER

Sarah Flowers lives in idyllic Chadds Ford, where she is steeped in beauty and connection to the land and its history. She loves coffee and flowers and getting to know Jesus. A lifelong learner, she seeks to follow God’s plan to bring justice to the under-resourced. Sarah is a self-declared serial optimist and melodiphile; there’s always a path to the sunny side and a soundtrack for the journey!

She is a mom and wife and a grateful alumna of Northwood University. Her former iterations include automotive professional and shoe diva. Sarah serves on the Deacon Team at Willowdale Chapel.

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