Are you seeing anyone

yet?

Once you stop looking for him, that’s when he’ll come.

He will come. That’s just part of the deal.

You’re just so

wonderful

beautiful

kind

caring

smart

talented

funny

sweet

good with people

good with animals

good with kids

good at listening

good at loving

good.

I don’t understand how no one has snatched you up.

Make your relationship with God a priority, and He’ll give you a spouse when you’re ready.

I guess you’re not ready.

You shouldn’t lower your standards for a man.

But if you have your faith in common, what more do you really need?

Don’t try to manipulate God’s timing.

Have you tried a dating app?

God must just be saving someone really special for you.

I mean, everyone is special. But there must be a reason He’s making you wait this long.

You know,

I have this nephewcousinbrotherfamilyfrienddistantrelative

that you’d be perfect for.

You’re not interested? Don’t be so picky.

Remember, God is your true husband.

It’s so cringey when people call God their husband.

Maybe you should be more outgoing.

Maybe you should be less intense.

Maybe you should wear more makeup.

Maybe you should wear less makeup.

Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten those tattoos.

Maybe you shouldn’t wear those heels.

Maybe you should find a young adult group.

Maybe you should try a different church.

Maybe you should start exercising.

Maybe you should eat less.

Maybe you should try harder to find someone.

Maybe you shouldn’t try so hard.

Maybe you’re doing something wrong.

Don’t dress/act/speak/stand/sit like that. Guys don’t find that attractive.

I’m just trying to help.

I envy all that free time you must have.

Are you using it to serve the church?

I would love to have a bed all to myself.

I can’t imagine living alone.

Jesus was single too,

you know.

Marriage is really hard,

you know.

There’s nothing wrong with you,

you know.

Do you baby-sit?

This is a two-part series on how words can affect single people in the church. The words above are a combination of words spoken to me and/or to others I know, as well as the way those words may be perceived by a single person.

My intention is not to make a statement about whether these words are the “right” or “wrong” things to say, though I would argue that some of these statements are harmful regardless of the context in which they’re spoken. (For example, the assumption that a single person must have loads of time on their hands because they don’t have a husband or children to care for doesn’t take into account the possibility that they might be working multiple jobs to support themselves as a single income household.)

However, there are other examples where some of these words may be helpful and even healing for someone who is single to hear, especially from someone who knows and loves them. I often need to be reminded that my singleness is not a result of something being “wrong” with me, and I often do appreciate my friend’s matchmaking attempts because they know marriage is a desire of my heart.

But sometimes even the most true and kindly spoken words can feel like band-aids slapped on battle wounds, especially when they’re words that single people have heard over and over from loved ones and strangers alike who sometimes just don’t know what else to say.

Like Job’s friends (in the first part of the book, anyway), sometimes we just need someone who can sit with us in our sadness.

Not promise us a husband.

Not reassure us with all the ways that we’re worthy of romantic love even though we haven’t found it yet.

Not demand to know if we’re making “good use” of this season, because it’ll end someday and we’ll wish we had “all this time” back.

Because the reality is, we aren’t promised spouses or romantic love, and this season might actually be more than a season. And we as single people need to be okay with it and need you to be okay with it, too.

Because even on the hardest days, God’s love — which He shows us through His perfect, healing, helpful Word — is enough. For all of us.

The next part of this post will include ideas for better things to say or ask a single friend, words that convey love and care for them while also giving them space to process any difficult emotions they might be holding.

In the meantime, here are some words to share with a single friend that you can never go wrong with:

I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving kindness. (Jer. 31:3)

You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you. (Isaiah 43:4)

Delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

You are mine. (Isaiah 43:1)

ABOUT OUR BLOGGER

Kati Lynn Davis grew up in Chester County. After a brief stay on the other side of Pennsylvania to earn a writing degree from the University of Pittsburgh, she returned to the area and got a job working for a local library. When she isn’t writing, Kati enjoys reading, drawing, watching movies (especially animated ones!), drinking bubble tea, hanging out with her family cat, and going for very slow runs. Kati is pretty sure she’s an Enneagram 4 but is constantly having an identity crisis over it, so thankfully she’s learning to root her sense of self in Jesus.