Loneliness is Killing Us
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, and for many it was a difficult day. For some people the absence of a love interest or the absence of attention from the “love of their life” left them feeling disappointed and alone. There are many people who feel like they have no meaningful connection in their life. They experience loneliness on a daily basis. This holiday that is primarily focused on love can exacerbate this feeling of isolation.
In May 2023, the Surgeon General declared loneliness to be a public health crisis with the following effects on our health:
29% increased risk of heart disease
32% increased risk of stroke
50% increased risk of developing dementia for older adults
<60% increases risk of premature death.
Equally important is how loneliness can affect a person’s mental health. As a licensed professional counselor, I often see people who lack significant connection in their lives. Loneliness and isolation can lead to depression and anxiety.
We were created as relational beings. If you think about it, the Trinity – Father, Son, and Spirit – are three separate beings united in one. At the core of their being, they are relational as we learn from Matthew 3:16-17, 28:19, 1 Corinthians 12:4-6 and 2 Corinthians 1:21-22 to name a few. Or think back to the Garden of Eden. In Genesis 2:18, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone…’” Now although this was referring to having a mate, I think the take-away is that we were created to be in relationship, yet many of us live in seclusion.
For some this began with the pandemic and the ensuing shut down and now has continued for a variety of reasons including working from home. In my job, I have spoken to people who spend days on end completely devoid of personal human contact. For some, this is because we don’t make time to maintain friendships or don’t know where to begin on the relational front. We have allowed many of our close relationships to drift apart.
Loneliness can happen in any stage of the lifespan. It can happen to those with or without a spouse. Loneliness can happen whether you are at home with toddlers who are unable to carry on a conversation or with teens who are unwilling. Isolation can happen when you are single and all your friends are married with children. It occurs in empty nesters who suddenly find themselves without the companionship of their children, or seniors without the engagement of a daily job.
The tricky thing about loneliness is that you can feel lonely even with people in your life. You can be in a room full of people and feel like nobody sees you or knows you.
Like with most difficulties in life, the first step toward improvement is to see and say that you have a problem. Once you admit to this, you must purposely move toward change. You can’t wait for someone else to fix this for you. You must make an effort on your own for yourself.
Connection and reconnection take effort. If at all possible, meet with someone in person. You must begin by placing yourself in the proximity of others to begin relationships.
Consider inviting someone to take a walk or meet for coffee or consider volunteering or taking a class. Ask questions, look for commonality and don’t be afraid to share about something going well in your life. (I would recommend saving discussions about loneliness until you get to know someone a little bit.) Interacting with complete strangers like a librarian or barista is better than nothing. Research shows that these interactions are important for one’s mental health as well.
And of course, there’s always church! I think it is no coincidence that at the same time church attendance is down, loneliness is up. Hebrews 10:25 tells us not to “give up meeting together.” Get involved in church, don’t just sneak in late and leave early. Go, LINGER, talk to others, join a bible study or serve. These are great ways to make connections. And if you are there already, reach out to that person who is alone, talk to them, learn their name and then look for them in the future. We all have a part to play in this loneliness epidemic.
Church is an important place where one can experience fellowship and make friendships but even more importantly, it is the place where you can develop a relationship with the “lover of your soul.” You were created by God and He loves you. Spend some time learning about how God views you. In Ephesians 3, Paul prays for the Ephesians that they would know the love of God. He prays:
“…So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—and I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17b-19
I love the imagery of seeing “how wide and long and high and deep” the love of Christ is. The love of God is so boundless, we cannot begin to fully understand it. Words fail when it comes to trying to describe His love for His children. You belong. You are welcome in the family of God. When a person begins to grasp God’s love for them it changes them. It gives a person purpose and confidence to go forward. Using Paul’s words as a prayer for yourself or for others in your life would be a good starting point.
May Christ make his home in your heart as you trust in him. (You are not alone.)
And may your roots go down deep into God’s love…
ABOUT OUR BLOGGER
Bonnie Kotler and her husband Mitch have two daughters, three sons, seven grandchildren and three grand-puppies. She was a stay-at-home mom for many years before re-entering the workforce after receiving her M.S. in Counseling and Human Relations from Villanova University. She is a licensed professional counselor at The Peacemaker Center and her own private practice, True North Counseling. Bonnie has been on the Willowdale women’s ministry teaching team since 2012. Bible studies have played a key role in her walk as a believer, and in turn, she loves to help other women find their peace with God and grow in their faith. She enjoys writing Bible study materials, reading fiction, spending time with family and doing anything in the sunshine. Bonnie loves to laugh and considers laughter as the best medicine. Psalm 126:2
WOMEN'S IF: 2024 CONFERENCE
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