Have you ever gone through a hard time, poured your heart out, only for someone to offer you advice you didn’t really need? I can’t tell you how often I have unintentionally done this to others as well as it happening to me.
Living in community is one of my favorite parts about being part of a church. It has always been a safe place for me through relationships I made on a Sunday morning, being part of a small group or through my friendships. I am so thankful for the ladies (and men) who have invested in me and my family. But what does it take to create a safe space for others to share and be vulnerable about what is going on in each other's lives?
What do we really need when we are struggling?
Listen more than you speak
Being an active listener builds strong relationships. It may not be something that comes naturally to each person, but it is something we can all work on. Instead of offering advice, ask further questions to understand the situation and how they are feeling. Nod showing you are listening. One can empathize with someone’s circumstance without making that conversation about what you have gone through. I remember when I was going through my miscarriages, there were so many well-intended people that were just trying to make me feel better, but oftentimes it left me feeling further isolated and not wanting to share. I was grieving this deep loss and I know others were unsure what and how to show they care; simply being there meant everything.
Love each other deeply
“Above all, love each other deeply.” 1 Peter 4:8
If you are in a relationship, you probably know how to best show that person love. If there is someone you don’t know as well, getting creative is key! Maybe it's offering to get coffee and spending quality one-on-one time to just listen. Maybe after you listened to them, you realize they need a little self-care so you offer to pick up their groceries, buy dinner, or watch their kids. How can we show tangible ways of care and love? I know our students and leaders in Willowdale Students at Willowdale Chapel in Jennersville feel so loved by Youth Pastor Jordan, because he writes a tailored card for every birthday about how special we are to him and God. Being loving doesn’t always have to be hard.
Pray for them and with them
There is nothing more important than connecting with our Savior and God. We do that through the gracious gift of prayer. Prayer is a balm that comforts the soul and connects us with our loving Father who intimately knows every need before we even ask. When we pray for others who are suffering, we may not have the words to say. Romans 8:26 promises that the Holy Spirit is there for us – for us and for others when we don’t know what to pray for.
I have always been encouraged when I share something with someone and instead of saying anything else, they ask, “Can I pray for you now?” Is there anything more loving we can do then be prayed over to God by someone who cares about us?
Responding well to those in difficult circumstances is an area in which we can all improve. If you aren’t there yet, don’t be hard on yourself, neither am I. Ask God to reveal ways to listen to others more. It also allows us to hear from Him. Anyone who offered me advice at the wrong time always meant well. And I knew that, despite how it made me feel. I just know that we all want to be people who are drawing others to us. Community is where we are meant to be. Let’s learn to make it a space where we are loving others in a way that draws us closer to each other.
ABOUT OUR BLOGGER
Susan Veenema and her husband, Jeremy, love exploring Chester County with their two older biological daughters and three adopted children.
Susan has been in education for more than 20 years supporting children with disabilities and their families. She currently works at the Department of Education.
One of her greatest joys is leading a women's Bible study. People are her passion. She loves to read, write and study everything from history to social sciences to the early church. You'll always find her trusty German Shorthaired Pointer by her side.
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