In the Oscar winning movie adaptation of Jane Austen’s novel Sense and Sensibility, two sisters have their romantic hopes dashed. The elder sister, Elinor, never reveals her lost love and suffers in secret. The younger Marianne is overwhelmed with misery after losing her love. As she says in the book, “Misery such as mine has no pride. I care not who knows I am wretched.” If you have seen the movie, you may recall Kate Winslet’s performance as the distressed Marianne and Emma Thompson’s characterization of the restrained Elinor.
My sister and I have occasionally compared ourselves to Marianne and Elinor. My sister readily admits that she, like Marianne, can “weep buckets.” I almost never cry, more like Elinor. I fight a real cry because crying leaves me with a lingering headache. But my eyes will glisten with unshed tears while reading a story that is exquisitely written or when I see suffering or injustice. Most often my tears well up in church. These tears are prompted by my gratitude for being part of such a caring community and for a special sense of God’s presence worshiping together.
In life, our tears speak of our hurts and needs, as well as joy and relief. We are moved to tears by experiencing personal pain, grief, loss and farewells. For some, tears are stirred by watching a drama like The Chosen, about the life of Jesus, or a movie of great heroism. Encountering the wonder of nature or beautiful music can bring tears. Sometimes tears are inexplicable.
The science of tears is quite interesting, while still being something of a mystery. It is amazing that our tears are created to do three things. First, they lubricate our eyes and protect the eye from bacteria. Second, they are designed to wash away irritants. And third, they release emotion. Tears that spring up from emotion or pain contain hormones. The release of hormones helps us to stabilize ourselves.
Science also suggests that releasing emotional tears lessens aggression. Tears trigger empathy in others and build trust. Tears are a non-verbal communication that we are overwhelmed by our emotions, be it pain or joy. Tears come when language fails.
Concurrently, the sympathetic nervous system causes that unusual lump in the throat or the choked up sensation. Both are a response to stress or a lack of control. The lump is caused by the glottis being forced to stay open in order for us to be able to take in more oxygen. Crying incapacitates speech, while communicating the depth of our feelings.
As one who rarely cries, and only in private, I was surprised by a moment of rare emotion in my first year of teaching. I was sharing a story about an illiterate man’s struggles when my voice suddenly choked with empathy. If there were tears, I tried to hide them. For me that lack of control made me uncomfortable. I feared it would be perceived as strange.
God’s Word gives assurance that tears are not strange. The book of Ecclesiastes tells us “there is a time to weep.” David wept over his troubles and in remorse for his actions. Jesus wept after the death of his friend Lazarus.
Whether we are the type to dissolve in tears or to fight tears, it is wise to recognize those tears are a gift. The phrase, “reduced to tears,” negates our feelings. We are in no way diminished by tears. If we catch ourselves saying, “Don’t make me cry,” consider that may be exactly what is needed. Celebrate the tears; they reveal our hearts. Hopefully we will be more comfortable with our own tears and those of others as we become more tenderhearted.
If our tears are caused by injustice, we might need to act. A line from Shakespeare says, “My drops of tears I’ll turn to sparks of fire.” Our empathy might spur us to provide support or prayer for those suffering injustice.
If our tears are from joy or relief, offer thanks, and perhaps share the blessing.
If our tears are from struggles and pain, if we are brokenhearted, seek first the Father. His compassion for our tears is described beautifully in the Psalms.
Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5
Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.
For You have rescued my soul from death,
My eyes from tears. Psalm 116:7-8
I find this verse to be a perfect image of God’s compassion.
You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8
The God who hears our cries and sees each tear has also given a promise and a hope for the future. In heaven, “He will wipe every tear… and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:4
One day we will weep no more. For now, let us embrace the tears. Let them speak the cares of our hearts.
ABOUT OUR BLOGGER
Linnea Tideman has always enjoyed sharing stories. Her childhood in New Hampshire and her Swedish heritage have provided her with a wealth of experiences, but also the foundation of her faith. She enjoys creative projects, travel, books, sewing, gardening, but most of all hospitality, often hosting fancy teas and occasionally something grand like recreating dinner on the Titanic. She serves the UrbanPromise and Good Neighbors ministries. Linnea lives in Landenberg with her husband Dave. They have three grown daughters. She hopes that her writing reflects how God continues to reveal Himself to us as our shepherd and Savior.
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