I tend to have an all-or-nothing mentality when it comes to my goals. If something can’t look exactly the way I think it “should,” I give up on it altogether.
I can’t find a full hour to practice drawing techniques? Then I’ll leave my sketchbook to collect dust for another day.
I can’t do a 45-minute workout including cardio, legs, and core? Then I won’t exercise, period.
I ran out of time to make a nutritious lunch and ate a quick McDonald’s meal instead? Then I might as well guzzle that 24-ounce Wawa milkshake and try again tomorrow. (For the record, there’s nothing wrong with McDonald’s or milkshakes. What’s wrong is the flawed mentality behind abandoning my goals altogether after making one “mistake.”)
In a similar way, I often hold myself to a rigid list of shoulds when it comes to spending time with the Lord. For example:
My quiet time should be first thing in the morning, and it should last at least 20 minutes (but preferably closer to thirty or more). I should always do it somewhere I can be alone and really focus.
I should listen to worship music only when I can really be present and focus on the lyrics. If I just have it on as background noise or if my mind gets distracted during the chorus, it doesn’t count as worship.
When I do a personal Bible study, it should include reading Scripture, taking notes, journaling my prayers, and studying a commentary. Otherwise, I won’t get much out of it.
If a friend asks me to pray for them, I should wait until I have a minimum of five minutes to bring their requests before God.
It sounds ridiculous when I write it out this way, but subconsciously it’s what I believe. Yes, Jesus died on the cross to pay for my sins so I can come confidently before the Father’s throne of grace whenever I want to (Hebrews 4:16), but I can’t really be confident unless I’m dressed properly and have something to offer Him.
Right?
(Wrong.)
Yes, it’s good to have goals for what we want our quiet time with God to look like. For the record, I’m all for eliminating the term quiet time altogether. This feels like an unfair standard to set for parents of little ones, those tasked with caring for loved ones with special needs, or anyone else who is simply living in a chaotic season of life. God is big enough to meet us in the noise when we learn how to listen.
But the reality is, most of us will not be able to maintain strict standards for our spiritual disciplines in every season of life. Things like unexpected loss, mental or physical illness, relational strife, and other circumstances resulting from living in a fallen world will happen. There are times when our worlds will be rocked and our structure will be shattered.
God knows that. He does not ask His kids to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and “just do it,” in the famous words of Shia Labeouf. His Spirit is always with us, which means He meets us where we are.
So if you’re like me and wrestle with that all-or-nothing mentality — especially if the “nothing” has been winning and you feel far from God — here are seven small steps you and I can take to commune with the Lord.
Choose a time of day (if it needs to change, that’s okay), and set a timer for 3–5 minutes of prayer. If you’re having trouble finding your own words, pray through a passage of Scripture. The psalms are always a good place to start! One of my favorite places to pray aloud is in the car, especially during short trips.
If you’re still having trouble getting into a habit of prayer, try using resources like the Lectio 365 app or the Pray Every Day podcast. Praying along with someone else or listening to someone pray over you is a powerful experience. If you want to make it more personal, reach out to a friend and ask if they would be willing to say a short prayer over you.
Mental and even verbal prayers can feel overwhelming, especially if you’re someone who struggles with racing thoughts. If this is true for you, try journaling your prayers. They don’t even have to be full sentences. Sometimes I will write a bulleted list of everything I can think of that I want to pray about, then sit with my journal open before the Lord and say something as simple as “God, I give each of these requests to you. May Your will be done.” In addition to your requests, try to write at least one expression of gratitude and one expression of praise. Remind yourself of His goodness!
If getting up early is difficult for you, give yourself permission to schedule your personal Bible study at a time that works better for your body. Take a minute in between snoozing your alarm or while brushing your teeth to listen to a passage of the Word on audio, even one as short as the Lord’s Prayer.
Pick one Bible verse or passage you’d like to memorize (Psalm 23 is a favorite of mine), then write it down and place it somewhere you’ll see every day. Commit to reading or praying through it at least once a day for a month.
Choose your favorite worship song and listen through it at least twice with your eyes closed. I’m personally a big fan of The Worship Initiative and Shane & Shane, especially their hymn covers and songs based on Psalms. Ask God to help you focus on the lyrics and for His Spirit to press any truths you need to hear into your heart.
Alternatively, choose a whole worship album or playlist and set it to play the next time you need to do housework (or combine it with a hobby like painting or gardening!) You can even pop in an AirPod and listen during your weekly grocery shopping trip or while you sit on the sidelines at your child’s soccer practice.
Sister, if you’re feeling burdened with guilt because your spiritual disciplines have fallen to the wayside — whatever the reason may be — lay that load down at the cross. Look up and see the gentle eyes of Jesus, the Son of God who loves you more than you can fathom. Ask Him for help, and trust that the blood He spilled on your behalf was enough. More than enough.
Our Father doesn’t want our rules or checklists. He doesn’t expect us to show up only in our Sunday best. He isn’t clocking the time we spend reading our Bibles, clucking his tongue in disappointment when we miss the mark.
He sent His only Son to die for us because He knew we would fall short. He loved us when we were children covered in mud, smeared in sin and dripping with shame.
He doesn’t ask for our perfection. He doesn’t even want it.
What He does want, more than anything else we could offer Him, is our hearts.
ABOUT OUR BLOGGER
Kati Lynn Davis grew up in Chester County. After a brief stay on the other side of Pennsylvania to earn a writing degree from the University of Pittsburgh, she returned to the area and got a job working for a local library. When she isn’t writing, Kati enjoys reading, drawing, watching movies (especially animated ones!), drinking bubble tea, hanging out with her family cat, and going for very slow runs. Kati is pretty sure she’s an Enneagram 4 but is constantly having an identity crisis over it, so thankfully she’s learning to root her sense of self in Jesus.