There is a desire at the core of each of us: To be part of something bigger than ourselves. We want to feel a true sense of belonging and feel that who we were made to be means something to those around us. We want to see the unique pieces of us designed by God work in community.
This feeling and desire is God-given. We were made for communion with others. It dates back to the Garden of Eden in Genesis when God declared, “It is not good for man to live alone.” And what did God do about that? You all know this. He gave Eve to Adam and thus the story of human relationship began. We are made for human relationship as a gift from our Heavenly father but also, I believe, to draw us closer to our maker.
So how do we deepen relationships? How do we fill this intense craving for belonging in community? What if we are not extroverted? What if we fumble with our words due to some social anxieties? What if putting ourselves out there is just not our thing?
I bet there are acquaintances, even friends, that you enjoy each week. The local librarian, coffee shop barista, clerk at the local grocery store. These people bring you joy but you need more. Maybe you’re part of a community book club and you know the group pretty well but you’re not sharing deeply with them. Maybe you have a thriving online community on social media that makes you feel somewhat connected. You see someone’s curated posts and comment on how great it is to see what is happening in their life. But they are distant from your day-to-day realities and make you feel even more isolated. You could even be in a Bible study here at church and want more connection! That was me!
I’m suggesting we all go further. These surface-level relationships are not enough to sustain the intricate fabric of who we are. We need people to share the meaningful aspects of our lives in a way that makes us feel alive. I can say that after 46 years and a lot of intentionality, I'm finally getting closer to that dream. Is it perfect? No. But I want to encourage you that my community truly draws me closer to God and reminds me where to look when life is hard.
So how do we get there? I’m going to share with you what I believe creates this sense of belonging and community.
I’ve come to see that authenticity and confession create meaningful relationships.
What does truly sharing who we are look like?
I believe this means we go beyond confiding in each other in areas that are easy to share. Please don’t hear me say that I don’t think that is important. Share those too: Your joys in life or just the opposite, when you are sad or struggling with something.
But when I thought about doing this blog, the one thing I wanted to challenge us with is to confess our sins to one another. Why? Because what separates us from God? What hinders our relationship with Jesus? The main thing that gets in the way of living well – burdening us like a weight – is our sin.
I don’t think I am alone in that. I am working really, really hard to build community and still struggle with confessing my sin. But, the book of James always hits hard and is clear in chapter 5 verse 16 saying, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed."
We can do this together! God’s word promises we will be healed. Removing the paralyzing weight of sin helps us take a step closer to Christ. Renewing our relationship. With his death He has forgiven us of our sin. But let's not do it alone.
I’ve found when I’ve faced my sin, even though I know Christ removes my shame, I still feel it. Have you ever felt that way? It truly drags you down.
Sociologist Brené Brown has written and spoken extensively about shame. Brown defines shame as the painful feeling of believing you are flawed and unworthy of love and belonging.
So how do we name our sin and overcome our shame?
First, praying and asking the Holy Spirit to reveal our sin to us. When we are aware of sin in our lives, we can also be aware that we need to depend on Christ to help us overcome the shame that is associated with it.
Secondly, Brown indicates that reaching out to others helps us overcome shame that can result from our sin. When we live in community with others, we can share the sin in our life and snuff out the shame that is associated with it. It’s easy to sugarcoat over these areas we would rather not mention. We hide it, sometimes from the people closest to us.
I did. Many years back, I accrued a lot of debt. I lived above my means and the bills kept coming. It actually stopped my husband and me from going on the mission field in Indonesia after their tsunami. In so many ways, it really impacted our lives. Fast forward to a cross-country move and the economy collapsing. That debt grew even higher. I was so ashamed. I felt mostly responsible. I also struggled with materialism. The combination of all of these was a formula for disaster. We had a small baby at home and were trying to figure it all out. Finally, we were at breaking point. We didn’t know what to do, so we started sharing and confessing. We confided in our pastor, a very close friend, and most embarrassingly, my husband's parents. It was so difficult to say the words and admit messing up so badly. But confessing it to other people lifted a weight, and we knew we were not alone.
We did work through it and although I do admit I still struggle at times with materialism, I have accountability partners I go to for purchases. Almost 20 years later with new people, I shared again because I don’t want materialism to have a stronghold in my life. Confessing our sin to each other can help build a sense of accountability, allowing for forgiveness and healing, breaking the power of secret sin, fostering honesty and transparency within a community, and enabling others to offer support and prayer. This leads to the restoration that we all seek out in our relationship with Christ. When I admitted my shame and my sin, the cord that wrapped me up for so long was broken. The people I shared with helped break that cycle. I was free and I was not walking it alone. I felt encouraged.
I want to remind you of that verse in James 5. “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Listen to that beautiful word: Healed. That’s why we do this. We are not yet in heaven and God knew while we live here it would be hard. We need others to help us. Lean on others. Find yourself healed by your confessions and drawn closer to Christ. I’m not saying this is easy, but it is so freeing.
ABOUT THE BLOGGER:
Susan Veenema and her husband, Jeremy, love exploring Chester County with their two older biological daughters and three adopted children. Susan has been in education for almost 20 years supporting children with disabilities and their families. She currently works at the Department of Education. One of her greatest joys is leading Thursday night women's Bible study and her couples community group. People are her passion. She loves to read, write and study everything from history to social sciences to the early church. You'll always find her trusty German Shorthaired Pointer by her side.